• These little girls are going to eat me alive this afternoon.

• With my luck some fat old lady will be the one to frisk me.

• It’s so sad…………Dead penguin.

• The fat one had brain damage from the plastic Pepsi rings lodged around his neck.

• It’s DILF weekend at the Q!!!

• Can we put spinners on your wheels? I am sure D—- can install something douchebaggy like that!

• I am hoping I won’t do a Britney at the salon and grab the clippers.

• We made it out on the other side…peeing cats, broken cars, dictators and all.

• Bowling, hj’s and bj’s…..bottom line.

• Yes, you are a cheetah, and Greg is now officially a cougar.

• Can we go to a donkey show for your wedding reception?
Um, no. Have you been watching Clerks 2?

• BTW Where are the hooker photos? I thought everyone sends back hooker photos when they travel.

• A goat tried to eat my purse today and I fed sharks and stingrays.

• Btw…Hitlers-Right-Hand-Man thought that M & J were a couple!

•  was in my lounge pants snuggling with my pets. Dipshits! All of them. I’m becoming a nun. God, here I come!

• Seriously, why is it always the douchebag that calls?

• Did Julia put Kevin’s hand down my shirt last night?

• Don’t forget that “I’m gonna get you pregnant” song for Greg’s Birthday Playlist.

• Only in Parma would you see a trailer-hitch with a nut sac hanging from it.