((((((Latest edition of text gems mined from my phone…)))))))

Must learn ninja origami Japanese t-shirt folding technique!

I may or may not have already had a whole bottle of wine.

Wish I were eating chorizo slathered cornbread right now. Eff.

I may or may not have had 5 beers….or 6….or 8.

It took me 5 minutes to crawl through the window and break into your house. So not kidding.

Report about a break-in on Madison – perpetrator was groped by the owner of the apartment! Crazy news day….Channel 19 is all over that shit.

I went to fix a late night bowl of cheerios and didn’t realize until I took a bite hat it was catfood covered in milk. Meow.

Be like water.

Nudes shit on his bed.

..Although it is 9 months away, so maybe, just maybe, I will be properly introduced to his penis by then…

I can be demanding in a pseudo-fictional relationship, right?

Eat the fucking fish bitch!

The #19 bus goes to Fargo.

B- is standing outside of my building talking to uber-femme dude that lives in my building. I’m trapped!!! GAH! I wish I had some meth to toss out the window to distract him..

I don’t have time for his jealousy. I ‘m too busy being like water.

No pussy in the wagon unless it is ours!

the drive-by “here’s your candles bitch” candle toss out the car door window delivery sounded much more fun…

yeah, my latest dream was about sneaking into your house to shower and use your new “special” face scrub. Got nothin.

Call me when you’re done watching your mom fawn over Michael Flatley’s oiled chest.

…what do you mean that was not a good episode. lol! black lesbians and a pregnant drug addict!

and the drama starts…may we all survive.

newport reds please.

save me!!! Forced to talk with scary M- and R- about threesomes. GAH! GET UP HERE NOW!!!!

Fa la la la lifetime!

yeah apparently Mark is a serial killer who wear’s grandma dresses for fun.

thinking prude ninny-ness is being caused by all of the cathartic apartment organizing

watching the Sound of Music…it has taken me 31 years to realize the German Von Trapps all have English accents.

-omg the extended DC version includes a  side man and bootie dancers (its called a side man right?)
-  I’m not sure. Hype-Man may be what you mean?
- That’s It!!! Hype-Man. Jesus, can I get any more white?

Keanu is a brilliant alien because he doesn’t have to act.

dugh! Everyone knows you are secretly running an Asian Prostitution Ring.

I try and seep now.

BEER NUTS!!!!

I’m at Lube Stop and in the car next to me is a GIANT drag queen smacking around some tiny Mexican!!!!!!!!!